PolyLove is a new investigative documentary that explores polyamory, non-monogamy and the journey to redefine a ‘relationship’. Brace yourself, because we are going to a place where bravery and honesty are essential. A place where loving someone enough to set them free isn’t just a trite metaphor – it’s essential to your personal and relationship growth.
Single Married It’s Complicated
In North America, 48% of marriages end in divorce.* In business, if your product is failing for half of your customers, then you need to fix it or offer something better. * SOURCE ‘Divorce demography’ Stats Canada 2013
Non-monogamy and polyamory demand radical rethinking of our societal constructs. It’s not about breaking what’s unbroken. It’s about examining why ‘cheating’ is more socially forgivable than discussing the option of non-monogamy or polyamory with those we love.
More and more people are experimenting with monogamish and polyamorous relationships. We commit to each other, but have a porous boundary around our relationship, meaning we’ve agreed that it’s OK for either of us to express romantic feelings toward other people or to be physically intimate with other people, so long as we’re honest and transparent about our intentions with one another.
The thought is that these things don’t diminish the integrity of a relationship. Rather, they may deepen the understanding of each other’s wants and desires, and give us the space to grow independently, without growing apart. There’s even a new word for the emotion of feeling happy for a loved one’s bliss in another relationship. Goodbye jealousy, hello ‘compersion’.
So why non-monogamy and polyamory now?
Well, people haven’t changed much, but their environment has. Just think: Monogamy established itself thousands of years ago, when society was ruled by scarcity of resources and potential mates were in limited supply.
We’re now living in a period of great (though unequally distributed) abundance where our basic needs are sufficiently met, and reproduction is a choice. As a result, the reasons to be with a single mate for life are less urgent. With the rising ambivalence toward commitment, statistically most millennials will put off marriage indefinitely. In place of monogamous pairings, hookup culture flourishes and “open relationships” are commonplace. These are merely rational economic responses to excess inventory and changing expectations of romance. Viewed in this context, conventional monogamy is getting long in the tooth.
But just because more young people are choosing to say, “I don’t” than “I do” doesn’t mean monogamy is irrelevant. It just means that there’s now more than one option for building meaningful and satisfying relationships.
I’m a Porn Star is a feature documentary exploring the lives of men working in the gay adult entertainment industry.
There are an estimated 370 million pornographic websites online. Porn is now a thirteen BILLION dollar business. So who’s doing all this moonlighting? Turns out – probably some people you know. I’m a Porn Star is a documentary revealing the inner workings of the gay adult industry.
I like to make films about sexuality – how we as a society embrace or are repulsed by it, what some see as artistic expression and others view as pornography, and where the seeds for these often very visceral reactions begin.
I’m a Porn Staris entertainment but it also delves into a provocative new era of sexual liberation and expression. Living in a domestic post gay liberation era we are now bombarded with the male form undressed for pleasure, for provocation, and as a catalyst in advertising and media. I wanted to explore how young men are being conditioned to perceive their own bodies, their constructs of masculinity, and the disintegration of labels around sexuality.
A decade ago we consumed pornography in magazines or buying DVDs and VHS tapes. Today the studio giants in the adult industry have been gutted by the Internet auteur and are struggling to reinvent themselves before it’s too late.
A millennial gay porn star could make a living with film and was truly the star of the community in a time when Hollywood was still afraid to come out of the closet. Today a gay porn star likely has another job to pay the rent, which usually includes ‘club appearances’ or online hustling.
At the turn of the century we were still shocked by the AIDS epidemic and many studios began routinely testing their stars and only filming safe sex. Today in spite of rapidly rising rates of HIV transmission in youth – bareback scenes are in vogue and receive special promotion on many websites.
In 2000 it was risky business getting into adult entertainment. Today in a volatile economy, more and more young people are using it to ‘put themselves through school’ or because like the new Queen of Pop they’ve also been bitten by the Fame Monster.
‘Boys will be boys’ as the saying goes and we were invited onto a pleasure island while filming I’m a Porn Star. As a young twenty-something, I witnessed several handsome friends suddenly working in the adult industry – either as strippers or in adult video. I always wondered how much was enough for them to say yes to that world and the lifestyle that went with it.
To what extent will a young person push their body, their will, or their sexual preference in order to grab some quick cash? The answer of course is not easy and each subject we worked with presented their own set of motivations – everything from lust for dollars, an addiction to attention, or simply loving to have sex!
Directing the I’m a Porn Star documentary was such an adventure because I was able to immerse myself outside my comfort zone, grow and be challenged by the experience. There were many times while interviewing when I had to keep my fist planted firmly under my jaw so it wouldn’t fall to the floor. These guys are shocking, competitive, profane, relatable and endearing. Perhaps they’ve made choices that there’s no turning back from or perhaps they’re brave enough to live the sexually liberated lives we all secretly fantasize about.
INTERVIEW WITH DIRECTOR CHARLIE DAVID, Director of I’m a Porn Star documentary
What was the genesis for I’m A Porn Star? Was this your brainchild or were you approached by someone else to take part?
I was approached by OutTV Canada to create a film that somehow reflected a change in the queer experience over the past few decades. I decided to look a little beyond the obvious political landscape and explore adult entertainment and how it’s been impacted by technological, social and consumption advances and new norms.
Porn is ubiquitous now – creation and engagement are high across all social classes and so a deeper look at the people who make it their career despite it still being a taboo fascinated me.
This isn’t your first documentary, but it’s the first with people who are fairly well known, at least in the porn world. Did you have an easier or harder time getting them to open up for the camera?
I’ve been really fortunate with my documentaries that my subjects have been extremely comfortable and forthcoming with me. I also do interviews in the casting and vetting process so I won’t work with someone if I think they’ll be flat or problematic in a show.
For this project, there are many great looking guys who take awesome photos or make great sex videos but in an interview situation or to follow them around in real life with a camera would be a terribly boring experience both for me and for an audience. Those early interviews and doing some research before considering production is very important. It’s casting essentially and a dynamic story line and compelling characters are tantamount to having any entertainment experience succeed.
Working as a host on the travel show Bump for 6 years really cut my teeth as an interviewer. We filmed 120 episodes all around the world and there were some great interviews and some that were painful teeth pulling experiences. I think that process of learning how to get a person comfortable with me and asking the right questions so they share freely and openly was like boot camp for becoming a film director – especially of documentaries.
Were there any revelations you had while making this or any moments that really stood out to you as being eye-opening?
I went to some shoots with various companies prior to filming and seeing the use of injectables like Caverject to get erections for filming was certainly eye-opening. There really are a disproportionate number of straight identifying men working in gay pornography. Some of the feedback on my doc and on blogs I’ve read, the comments seem to obsess with who’s straight, who’s gay, is it subconsciously homophobic that we have so many straight guys doing gay work, etc.
Honestly I don’t understand the obsession with these questions or lines of thinking. It seems so old-school to me to be labeling sexuality so rigidly. There’s a continuum of sexuality and these guys along with all humanity fall somewhere on the spectrum. However, because of the obvious fascination, I decided to do a follow up documentary, I’m a Porn Star: Gay4Pay which explores this.
Coming from a fairly liberal place like Canada to the US, do you find that there’s a more puritanical view of sex here in the US than there is in Canada or is the opposite true?
While we may vary on other norms in terms of sex within culture my experience living in Canada and the USA has been that we’re fairly similar. Our countries are geographically immense and there are plenty of pockets of conservatives, progressives and moderates in both.
You wear a lot of hats, but where are you most at home? Is it performing, producing, writing, directing, or something else?
At this point on my journey I love directing and producing. The documentaries are really fun but I’m looking forward to directing some scripted films & TV as well. I’m certainly open to being contacted by studios or independents to direct.
You said in an interview with Out Visions that your work resides in “a little niche within a niche,” but do you see the audience for what you do expanding more rapidly now than it was even a year ago?
Yes, I think there’s a growing hunger for content and the type of sexy, off-beat, gay-centric shows and films I make. There are emerging markets and growing populations that want to watch compelling films about the gay experience and that’s what I do.
You also mentioned in that interview that you have received communications from people whose lives were impacted by your work. Would you care to share any one of those with us?
Most of the emails and letters I receive come from either a Dante’s Cove fan or from someone who has just watched my film Mulligans. I think with Mulligans the inter-generational relationship between the father and his son’s best friend is compelling, arousing or relatable in some way to a lot of people. It’s also a story about a family man who comes out in his forties and for a lot of men living in those more conservative pockets of the country I think this also strikes a chord.
Is there anyone you haven’t worked with yet that you’re dying to work with?
Of course, there’s a huge list here! We’re actually preparing I’m a Porn Star: Gay4Pay, which will dive deeper into the lives of the straight dudes who work in gay porn since that seems to be such a fractious topic. So in the adult world we’re starting to compile a wish list and are certainly open to your readers input.
In the mainstream I’m a huge fan of Xavier Dolan’s work as director, writer and actor.
Anything else you’d like your fans to know or perhaps anyone that’s discovering you for the first time?
I love when an audience interacts with a film. So I invite your readers to watch our work and rate it, review it, share it, comment on it and discuss it. My documentaries are meant to be kindling and I hope they start a conversation.